Get your CV right

Job involved... counselling clientele on accidental insurance policies available
Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse
I was responsible for dissatisfied customers
My interests include cooking dogs and interesting people
Marital status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments
These are not a stand-up comic���s one-liners, but pearls of wisdom culled from real resumes of job applicants.A recent survey in the US revealed that 94 per cent job applicants missed out on jobs because of bad spellings or incorrect grammar ��� or worse ��� in their resumes. Scroll through the inbox of the human resource department (HRD) of any organisation and you���ll get a taste of what the HR guys call the hilarious-horror process of recruitment. And these bloopers in CVs serve as not just a dose of entertainment, but also as a reality check for the ���qualified��� job seeker. We got a few HR personnel here to tell us which CVs brought a smile to their faces ��� and then ended up in the bin!
office ���Relationships���
Says Gunjan Dahiya, a zonal HR manager with an insurance company, ���We were scanning through CVs for a circle head for the leadership team when we came across an eight-page CV that had in-depth details of the applicant���s wife, her hobbies, etc, and details of his son���s schooling, friends and more.��� And that���s why, in contrast to the earnestness with which they���re written, these CVs often become the best office jokes. Vishal Naithani, deputy manager, HR, at a global document management company, recalls, ���An applicant for a managerial post had listed his KRAs thus ��� ���I have the ability to screw the workers and make them really work hard���. Now, of course, all he meant was that he was a good team leader.��� The mail was circulated among his office screw... sorry, crew... and everybody enjoyed a good laugh, says Vishal.
Class-y CVs
A deputy HR manager in the telecom sector, Heena Tewani, came across her favourite CV blooper when she was sifting through a pile of CVs for a top-level post. ���It was from a gentleman with 14 years of experience. Under ���extra-curricular activities���, he���d mentioned a racing competition that he won in college,��� she laughs. ���Most people stick to their first-ever created CV and are too lazy to brush up their resumes,��� she says, adding, ���No wonder we get CVs listing how the individual had scored the highest marks in Social Studies in their Class X board exams.��� Adds Gagandeep Singh, cluster head with a radio station, ���The CV of an applicant with 18 years of experience in marketing mentioned how he was awarded the certificate for the ���best school boy��� in Class VII.��� Says Vishal, ���Mistakes creep in because people try to use bigger and fancier English words.��� Agrees Gunjan, ���Many people list a certificate in an English-speaking course as an achievement.���
This ain���t cool!
Slang or informal language could be career killers too. ������I���m pretty cool���, ���chilled out���, etc, have conveniently made their way into CVs. And so has SMS lingo,��� says Sameer Sharma, assistant manger, HR, with a brand apparel company. Hip ���n��� happening email addresses can also turn your CV into the latest water cooler joke. ���I lost a job opportunity because my email ID was sweetcat@*****.com,��� says Radhika, now a sales executive with an MNC. ���An email ID is not the place to display your creativity and quirkiness. Keep it simple and professional,��� suggests Pooja Gupta, who gives resumes a facelift. But some CVs are just too bloody funny ��� ���Many people mention their blood group in their CVs,��� laughs Gunjan.
Some memorable CV bloopers:
Interest/Hobbies: GSM,CDMA
(Read: Interest in the latest technology)
Currently, I am an��IT consultant
appreciating my skills and knowledge
Responsibilities and achievement:
Troop leader ��� Scouts Club ��� Mbaikini High School
Personal: Health ��� 5 feet, 7 inches tall
Experience: 20 dealers know me by name and have even come to my place
Interests: I like watching Tom and Jerry and Powerpuff Girls
Achievements: I���m extremely good at gaana bajana
Carrier Objective: To become a manager
Languages known: English with an accent
Skills: Bi-lingual in three languages ��� Hindi, English and French